What Is Allyship & What Does It Really Mean To You?

I’m a gay young man, and often I hear people call themselves ‘gay allies.’ 

Let me ask you, what is a gay ally to you?

To the straight allies who consider themselves as ‘tolerant modern thinkers’ and ‘progressives,’ what is a gay ally to you? Why do you consider yourself a gay ally? 

I’m genuinely curious because, in today’s climate, I truthfully don’t understand your ‘allyship’ or ‘support’ for people like me and me.

One minute you guys will say, “Say Gay.” The next, you consider me a gay man, a bigot, and call me other terrible names for saying what it means to be gay.

I’m confused as to why we can say words but can’t define them.

I guess another question of mine is, what does “Say Gay” mean to you if you can’t define it? Tell me, what is your cause? Is your cause just meaningless words written on cardboard signs for Instagram pictures to show how good of a person you are? What does it really mean to you? Why are you saying “Say Gay”?

To me, saying gay isn’t an empty message or an undefined word. When I say gay, I’m talking about homosexual men and women and our lived reality. When I say gay, I’m using a word that holds meaning and recognizes my existence. I’m using a word that unites people for having something in common.

I know what it means and how to use it. Do you? 

I don’t think you do.

I’m tired of my language being deemed bigoted and hateful when I say what gay means or even when I use the word homosexual. What is it about definitions and words that frighten you? Why do you feel the need to police my language yet insist on using broken fragments of it for yourself? 

Do you not chant “Say Gay”? So, why are you angry when I define it? 

Do you not often misuse the words homophobe, homophobia, and homophobic during Twitter tantrums? 

Without the word homosexual and its meaning, you wouldn’t have those words to use when you want to throw them at people randomly. So, why are you angry when I say I’m a homosexual male and properly define that as well? 

It’s quite odd how that works.

Mainstream ‘allyship’ from heterosexual ‘progressives’ is a mess, and I don’t think I will ever understand it. I’m not sure if I can ever understand how someone thinks they’re doing something good for me by being verbally abusive, shouting at me, speaking over me, suppressing me, threatening me, etc. 

These people are confused and don’t know what they’re saying or stand for. 

To the straight men and women who are actual allies, thank you so much! We see you and appreciate you for being by our side with genuine support! 

That’ll be all for me today.

by Dani